Agent Bork: Chief! Ya know that guy whose camper they were whackin' off in?
Agent Fleming: Bork, you're a federal agent! You represent the United States Government! Never end a sentence with a preposition.
Agent Bork: Oh, uh... Ya know that guy in whose camper they... I... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?

Beavis: Is this a god damn?

Beavis: Do you Have Teepee? Teepee for My Bunghole?

Dallas Grimmes: That cheap-ass! Alright I've got a better deal for you - I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back and do him.
Butt-head: You want us to do a guy? No way!
Beavis: I don't know, Butt-head. That *is* a lot of money! Maybe we can close our eyes and pretend he's a pretty good chick.

President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh, he said extend!
Beavis: Oh, yeah!

Butt-head's Dad: Hey, one of you bastards got a match? Butt-head: Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.
Agent Fleming: Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search! I'm talking Roto-Rooter! Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth!
Beavis: Are you threatening ME?

Tom Anderson: Boy, I never seen so much whackin'.

Beavis: I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.

Old Lady: I'm sorry, son. I got this ringin' in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
Old Lady: Oh. Maybe you're... lactose-intolerant.
Beavis: No, no. I POOP TOO MUCH! Then I get tired.

Beavis: Why does everybody want to see my schlong?

Old Lady: Hello there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
Beavis: Yeah. We're gonna score!
Old Lady: Oh, I hope to score big there myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots.
Beavis: Yeah uhe... I'm hoping to do some sluts too! Do they have lots of sluts in Las Vegas?
Old Lady: They have so many slots you won't know where to begin.
Beavis: WOAH! Hey Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
Butt-head: Cool!
Old Lady: It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Beavis: Yeah! hehuhe I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be SLUTS everywhere! It's gonna rule!
Old Lady: Aww, that's nice.

David VanDriessen: You know this could be a real positive experience for you guys. There's a whole world of possibilities to discover when we realize we don't need TV to entertain us.
Butt-head: Huh huh, he said anus.
Beavis: Entertain-us, anus.
David VanDriessen: Did you guys hear a word I said?
Butt-head: Yeah, 'anus'.
Beavis: [chuckling] He he, y-yeah I heard it too.

Muddy Grimmes: You got any last words before I kill ya?
Butt-head: I got a couple - buttcheeks.
Beavis: Yeah - and boobs. I just wanna say that again... Boobs.
Muddy Grimmes: I'm gonna blow ya both to hell,that's what I'm goin' to do!
Butt-head: Cool.

Butt-head: I probably will [score]. Not you. You're too much of a butt monkey.
Beavis: Shut up, dil-hole.
Butt-head: Butt dumpling.
Beavis: Turd burglar.
Butt-head: Uh... Ass goblin.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-Head. Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street?
Butt-head: Uh... Yeah.
Beavis: 'Cuz... Uh... I need to stop by his toolshed for a couple minutes.
[laughs]
Beavis: You know I'm sayin'?
Butt-head: Huh huh... tool.

Agent Flemming: Well I'll be a monkey's bare assed uncle!

Man: I'm sorry, how many Hail-Marys?
Beavis: A thousand! And I want you to hit yourself! Right now!
Man: Um, now?
Beavis: Yes, do it!
[smack!]
Beavis: Yeah, harder!

Pilot: Get the hell out of the cockpit!
Butt-head: Huh huh, you said...
Pilot: Now!

Butt-head: Whoa! I just figured something out, Beavis?
Beavis: What's that?
Butt-head: This sucks!
Beavis: Yeah! It *really* sucks!
Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.

Beavis: Dammit! This always happens! I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score! It's not fair! We traveled um, a mil-... a hundred miles, just because we thought we were gonna score! But now it's not gonna happen! Dammit!
Bus Driver: Hey, buddy! Sit down!
Beavis: Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tured of this! We're never gonna score! We're probably gonna get old like these people, but they've probably scored!
Bus Driver: Hey! I'm warning you! Sit down!
Beavis: It's like this chick's a slut... and look at this guy! He's old, but he's probably scored a million times...!
Old Guy: Oh, yeah.
Beavis: But not us! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score!

Old Lady: What's your last name, son?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.

Beavis: You must bow down to the almighty bunghole!

Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt!
Butt-head: Your butt sucks!